About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
