it hurts more in the daytime
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
