You just made me feel so damn special
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
