I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
