I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
