Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
