i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
