We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
