Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I puked a lego.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
