The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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