We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
