Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
try to milk me bitch
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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