It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
