what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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