The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
