Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
