before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize