Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
