o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
