I faked an abortion last night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
