just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I supernannyed him into submission
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
