There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
