I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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