When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
