happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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