i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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