If i come over, it means nothing
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
