Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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