you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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