do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
