Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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