its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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