Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
