I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
