xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
