I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
