he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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