Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
