i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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