Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
