How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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