"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
