i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
