Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
