We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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