My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize