I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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