New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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