we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
