I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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