the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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