Im at strip club and am horny
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
