It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
