Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize