there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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