Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
