I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
