I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
