She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Randomize
