You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
