The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
