i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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