his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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