Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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