You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
