I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
