You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
