it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
